Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey Split. Simpson Now Officially Free to Bang Every Reality Star on MTV.

Her next conquest: ANDY MILONAKIS.

After NICK LACHEY, JOHNNY KNOXVILLE and BAM, it only seems appropriate.

OK, those of you who've been paying attention may recognize this post from Oct. 5. That's when I first reported that the famous Newlyweds would be splitting up, via a cover story in US WEEKLY. Well, it turned out the unhappy couple decided to stick it out a bit longer. Late Wednesday, in a joint statement, the couple said:

"After three years of marriage, and careful thought and consideration, we have decided to part ways. This is the mutual decision of two people with an enormous amount of respect and admiration for each other. We hope that you respect our privacy during this difficult time."

Conveniently, the statement was released just hours before Thanksgiving, with evil PR mastermind PAPA JOE SIMPSON hoping for the news to fall on deaf ears as the gossip rags and entertainment shows were off as the American public stuffed itself JASON DAVIS-style on Turkey Day. (Thank God for blogs!) Nevertheless, news of the long-in-the-making split comes as the biggest shock to celebrity gossip since TOM CRUISE stuck it in KATIE, er KATE HOLMES.

The SIMPSON clan (the Baptist singers, not the animated family) had long heatedly denied the allegations of faltering fidelity, claiming that the NEWLYWEDS stars' love for each other was as real as the vocals at a live ASHLEE SIMPSON concert. PAPA JOE SIMPSON would know -- he sleeps in between them every night.

JESSICA has never believed what she reads in the papers, mostly because she can't understand them.

Whatever turns out to be true there's no denying that in this Nick & Jessica Christmas Card, poor Nick looks absolutely miserable. It's as if Jessica's svengali-like dad is standing just off-camera with a bat or something.

If the divorce does go through, it's expected for Jessica to continue singing and porking every man in sight. Lachey will be immediately forgotten.

I think we all know what JENNIFER ANISTON is thankful for this Thanksgiving -- a new celebrity divorce to take the heat off.