Brangelina Tie the Knot? Vaughniston to Crash Wedding to Promote DVD Release of "Wedding Crashers"?

Cue the Pity Party!

Not one week after burning her wedding dress in a traditional Greek funeral pyre, it looks like JENNIFER ANISTON's ex, BRAD PITT, has married maneater ANGELINA JOLIE in a not-so-secret ceremony in Sarsota, Fla. The intimate event was said to be a celebration of MR. & MRS. SMITH's one-week anniversary at the top of the DVD sales charts, and, oh yeah, Pitt's adoption of Jolie's gaggle of third-world babies.

As is customary in Greek culture, Aniston will mourn the death of America's Golden Couple with 40 days of funeral games, including "favorite gay wrestling tournaments" between current title holder CHRIS MCMILLAN and other members of her fabulous coterie, FRIENDS trivia, crash Zone dieting and the ceremonial rebound-boning of VINCE VAUGHN.

It hasn't been a good month for Aniston. Her new movie DERAILED bombed at the box office and her upcoming romantic comedy offering RUMOR HAS IT... is rumored to stink worse than TOM SIZEMORE's balls. What's worse, Pitt's nuptials constitute the second Aniston-ex wedding of the week. Jen's pre-Brad boyfriend TATE DONOVAN married his anonymous girlfriend as well!

It can't be easy having your ex-husband move on with the world's most desired woman. Last year, GQ magazine released a poll that said American men believe Angelina Jolie boasts the best body, lips and sex appeal of any woman on Earth.

There, there, Jen. At least you have the best, uh, hair.

Whether Brad & Ang have actually made honest people out of one another has not been confirmed, but it has been widely reported (on trashy blogs) that it will happen some time this weekend. Brother/ex-boyfriend JAMES RAVEN will walk Jolie down the aisle, and papa JON VOIGHT and current carwreck/fuckbuddy DIANA ROSS are expected to crash in a drunken stupor.

It will be the second marriage for Pitt, the third for Jolie and the last for neither.