Chain, Chain, Chayyynnn...Chain of Foo-ood.

Daaaamn, Aretha! Bitch has got to lay off the chicken fried steak.

The Queen of Soul is looking like anything but a natural woman these days. Sure Ms. Franklin was never what you'd call petite, but now the R&B crooner (who made waiters at a catered NY Oscar party run out and pick her up some KFC when she wasn't satisfied with the menu) is boasting boobs so big they require a fork-lift bra and cottage-cheese-pumped arms of MARGUERITTE PERRIN proportions.

I don't mean to poke fun, but there is something seriously wrong here. She's so fat, even her dress has cellulite. Poor thing looks like a giant sushi hand roll. But why go sleeveless, you ask? Certainly not to show off her Christmas hams, er, "guns." No, my sources tell me that the dress was not originally designed without sleeves -- they apparently just ran out of enough fabric to make them.