Paramount Chief Offers J.J. Abrams a Development Deal in Shameless Play to Learn the Truth About "The Numbers."

For shame, BRAD GREY! Offering up tens of millions of dollars of your company's money just to get your hands on some LOST spoilers. Sure I want to know what the Numbers mean as much as the next guy, but I go about it the old fashion way -- by trolling fan message boards and running out to Borders every time a new official Lost Magazine hits newsstands.

The LOS ANGELES TIMES reports that PARAMOUNT is aggressively pursuing a deal that would bring bespectacled fanboy pin-up J.J. ABRAMS and his BAD ROBOT PRODUCTIONS to the studio. Such a deal would mark the end of JAbrams' seven-year relationship with Disney, a union that birthed such brilliant, one-word-titled television enterprises as FELICITY, ALIAS and LOST, as well as the upcoming midseason soap WHAT ABOUT BRIAN.

No one's commenting on the exact terms of the proposed deal, but my fake sources tell me that in exchange for, like, a gazillion dollars, J.J. will produce feature film, television, video game and new media projects for the studio, as well as privately reveal to Grey exactly what THE MONSTER is, the objective of the DHARMA INITIATIVE and the true reason why FRANCIE doesn't like coffee ice cream. At press time, parties were said to be disputing a few key issues -- namely the location of Abrams' office, the size of his new staff and whether he'd reveal what's up with SLOANE's wardrobe, RAMBALDI's endgame and why no one's hair seems to grow on The Island.

Just as HOWARD STERN's recent deal with SIRIUS included the reassembling of the shock jock's radio cast and crew, it's expected that Abrams' deal would also bring the exceedingly loyal writer-director-producer's team of merry collaborators to the studio. Among talent from Abrams' troupe expected to realign with Paramount: Felicity actors KERI RUSSELL, AMANDA FOREMAN and AMY AQUINO, composer MICHAEL GIACCHINO, cinematographer MICHAEL BONVILLAIN and best friend GREG GRUNBERG. (Though sources say Paramount was hoping Disney would just keep Grunberg.)

As reported in the L.A. Times:

Grey, who this week reached an agreement to buy DreamWorks SKG, the company Spielberg co-founded in 1994, has simultaneously been wooing J.J. Abrams, these sources said. Abrams, 39, is the co-creator of two of the most high-profile shows on TV: the island mystery "Lost" and the cult favorite "Alias," both of which air on ABC.

Abrams has been based for seven years on the Burbank lot of ABC's parent company, Walt Disney Co. But for the last several months, he has been working for Paramount, where he is now editing the studio's $175-million "Mission Impossible: 3."The movie, which stars Tom Cruise and marks Abrams' feature directorial debut, has given Grey an opening. According to two sources close to the discussions, the studio chief is tempting the writer-producer-director with an all-encompassing deal to make movies, television shows and possibly even video games and take part in Internet ventures for Paramount.

Abrams' current deal with Disney, which covers only TV projects, expires in July. Disney executives know about Grey's overtures but have talked to Abrams only about extending his TV deal, not about expanding it to include feature films, according to two sources.

Abrams and his representatives are expected to make a business proposal to Paramount, Disney and other interested studios and networks early next year, sources said. That proposal could launch a bidding war among the rival media companies, including Fox and General Electric Co.'s NBC Universal, which privately have said they would jump at the chance to bring Abrams and his company into their fold.

Is it my frickin' birthday or something? ALIAS was AWESOME last night (the return of VAUGHN and SPY MOMMY?!!) and then today, the LOS ANGELES TIMES journalistically felates my personal idol J.J. ABRAMS? If only they had mentioned LAGUNA BEACH and thrown in a DAME JUDI DENCH reference (remember that obsession Sachs and Margolies?)and it might've been the best day ever!

Check out the entire article HERE.